We all want to feel like we're in charge of our lives, having everything together. Unfortunately, many of us struggle to take charge of our lives and feel like we're lacking.
This happens especially when we have children. There's one thing that we know as parents for sure. It's an absolute truth. You cannot control the tiny little beings.
They are going to do what they're going to do and as parents, we need to adjust and react to those changes. There's no such thing as a perfect parent or a parent who knows it all.
There's a reason why there are so many "parenting experts". There are so many parenting books because nobody has quite gotten it 100% right.
One method may work for one child, while another method will work for another child. And as parents, it's our job to find that balance.
However, all of this leads to feeling out of control and like it's impossible to have control over our lives.
We have this feeling of lack of control, even more, when we get around those who seem to have control of their lives, with everything they need at their fingertips.
Social media does not help and can imply that some of our fellow parents have it perfectly right. The truth is they don't, they're just really good at hiding that they are overwhelmed.
Not to worry, I've got a guide that's going to help you take control and take charge of your life. Today you're going to learn nine ways that will help you get in control and be in charge of your own life, independent of the tiny humans we must keep alive.
Be diligent in taking care of yourself
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It is so important that you take time out of every week to devote to self-care.
The busier you get, the harder it seems to make time for yourself. Unfortunately, that's when you need it the most.
Make time to take care of your personal needs whatever they may be. After all, if you're not at your best how can you expect to do your best work?
Feeling stressed out and overwhelmed impacts your entire life, and self-care can help reduce some of that stress.
Taking charge of your schedule and your personal help health is an important first step to take control of your life. It's also a wonderful example to set for your children, to show them that they need to take care of themselves throughout their lives.
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Some ideas for self-care include:
Do what you want to spite convention
A big part of taking charge of your life is putting an end to the bad habit of letting others have a say in what you do. That's not to say that all advice is bad but at the end of the day, you need to live a life that is yours.
Other people don't have your personality. They don't have your life experiences. They aren't you. (Bonus: I have a FREE course that can help you find a time management system that will work for your personality type)
We're all made to be different and so everyone's path is going to be different from anyone else.
When getting advice, it's always good to hear the advice then take what works for you, and disregard the rest. It's your life to live and you must make your own decisions.
This step may seem a little different and small compared to the others but getting organized is an important part of taking control of your life.
Being organized not only helps lessen your stress and anxiety but it can also help you keep command of your schedule and make your life easier overall.
One example of how being organized can help you feel in control of your life is that if everything has a designated spot, it's always easy to find things.
When you can finally you're looking for you feel as though you're in control. It's when things are all over the place, that you feel disjointed and scattered.
Having things organized makes a huge difference, and can help you find what you need quickly and move on without that feeling of a scattered mess.
If you need help in this area, Brianna at SpikedParenting has a great course to help you get organized. It's called Simple Organization Hacks — Simplify and Streamline Your Life.
Remember the power of no
While it's important to be open to new experiences and opportunity it's also important to know your limitations. You can't do everything and no one can expect you to.
You have to prioritize and say no to some things to keep your sanity. Your priorities are going to be different and someone else's priorities, and therefore your decisions are going to be different from someone else's.
Learning to say no should be left entirely up to you allowing you to take charge in your life. Your time has value and some tasks are worthy of your time while others are not.
It is not your job to say yes to everyone and a well-placed no here and there can go along way towards feeling in control of your life.
Do you struggle with this? I found this great eBook (there's a paperback version too) called Not Nice: Stop People Pleasing, Staying Silent, & Feeling Guilty... And Start Speaking Up, Saying No, Asking Boldly, And Unapologetically Being Yourself.
Be open to new opportunities
It's easy to let saying no get out of hand. It's possible to become closed off to new opportunities, experiences, and adventures.
If a new opportunity comes your way, weigh it out. Consider the following: is it good for you, is it something you want to do, or is it a stepping stone to something you want?
If you answered yes to any of those questions don't let the opportunity slip through your fingers.
If you've learned to say no to things that aren't worth your time, it opens your time up to say yes to these new opportunities that come along.
Anyone of these opportunities can radically change your life, so having the time to say yes and to follow these new experiences is a large step in taking back control.
Make a goal list
Making a goal list is a good way to take charge of your future. It's most effective when you set SMART goals, which are goals that are achievable, measurable, etc.
You want to make sure that you're actually achieving your goals rather than just making a list and setting it aside.
Be sure to measure your progress as you go, so you know where you stand.
Having a five-year-goal list is fantastic, but if you don't have a plan or means to get there, you've just wasted time and paper.
Plus you feel out of control when you feel as though you should have accomplished your goals but you didn't. It leads to feeling like a failure. You're not a failure!
You just aren't setting your goals in the most efficient way and that's something that you can learn how to overcome.
Strive to empower and be empowered by others
One way to truly take charge of your life and ensure that you're headed in the right direction is to be both an example to others and learn things from others. It's important to learn from those around you and allow them to inspire and empower you.
Do you have a friend who you think is a fantastic parent? Allow their behavior to inspire you to be better. For example, if you have a friend who has a good relationship with their child, you don't have to replicate exactly what they do.
However, you can use this as an inspiration to have a better relationship with your child in your own way. The correct way to let others inspire you is to take the spirit of the inspiration and make it work in your own life.
Another thing that you can do is inspire others. It's always important to strive to empower others and to be the best example that you can be.
You want to be the type of person, especially as a parent, who inspires your children to do better and be better. You want to give them a great example that they can follow.
Wouldn't you rather be that parent that your child wants to be like instead of someone they're talking about in therapy 20 years from now saying "I hope I never turn into my mother?" (Not like this is a fear of mine or anything...)
If you've been wasting your time settling for things you don't really want, you'll wind up wasting your life. A big part of taking charge of your life is to get rid of or turn down things you either don't want or that don't fit in with your ideal life.
When you make a habit of settling, it can be a hard one to break. Psychology Today has a great article called 5 Ways to Stop Settling for Less Than You Deserve.
The article suggests that you need to stop making excuses for others, realize you're not always going to get what you want, figure out that it's OK to be alone sometimes, learn to speak up for what you want, and learn to say no to things that you don't.
Love and accept yourself
The only way in which will ever take charge of your life is if you accept yourself for who you are. You need to accept what you want in life and treat yourself with love and kindness.
Accept and appreciate the things that you want because if you don't who will?
This is something that SO many mother struggle with! Brianna at SpikedParenting has a great course to help love yourself as a mom called #motherhustler Mindset — Create Lasting Change + True Happiness in Your Life. It's worth checking out if you feel like this is an area that you struggle in.